


Relax, Take It Easy-Hiatus

by Sternstunde



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, Gen, bc sometimes sibs are assholes, but reginald wasnt a complete asshole, end each other, god knows five is, grace is still a robot but she got so many feelings, or didnt know about the fucking apocalypse, they are also not all the same age bc i wanted it, this fic is basically just cute sibling bonding whilst they also try to not like, unlike regi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-01-31 10:29:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18589417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sternstunde/pseuds/Sternstunde
Summary: And Five - the little shit - is too young to live alone, so he’s of course there as well. Diego looks at them all sitting in the living room, staring back at him.“God hates me,” he mutters under his breath.But somehow Klaus hears him, because he replies just a second later, with a cheerful, “Same here! She also told me she didn’t like my face, which is quite a shame, don’t you agree?”-Allison is the mature one with a steady life, Vanya is trying to get a girlfriend, Luther currently works as a church assistant but has not made any good choices, Diego does not like being a fast food worker, Ben's part-time famous author, and part-time Klaus-sitter, Five's a 13-year-old snarky genius and Klaus' an overworked college professor.





	1. Want some fries with that, shithead?

**Author's Note:**

> Things about this AU:
> 
> \- Everyone got powers  
> \- Reginald didn't know about apocalypse bc there isn't one  
> \- Same birthday, but not same age. So, they weren't "adopted" at the same time  
> \- Grace is a robot but less restrictions, es after Reggie's death  
> \- Every siblings gets point of views in this fic
> 
> Basically a what if they had more or less "normal" lifes and some actual sibling bonding.

Diego does not know how to handle this.

 

God, he can see it all flash before his eyes already. It’s going to be in every newspaper and every soul in this country will know. His siblings will look at him with shame. Luther’s going to shake his head and claim how he knew Diego would end up like this, whilst Allison is going to avoid his name forever. Vanya will be so sad, Five will scoff at him, Ben will look at him with pity and Klaus is probably going to laugh at his misfortune.  

 

But worse - _his Mom._

 

She’s going to be disappointed and won’t speak to him anymore. The same goes for Eudora, who also won’t talk to him anymore, because he will be in jail by the end of this day.

 

That is if this asshole doesn’t shut the fuck up soon.

 

“What in the world is this shit? There are tomatoes in this? I don’t want tomatoes!” _Well, I don’t want to see your fucking face, but here we a-_

 

God, Diego does not know how to handle this.

 

He’s itching for a knife at this point, but he has to hold it in because he needs that job and he needs that job because he’s an idiot. A fucking massive idiot, that honestly believed quitting the police academy was a smart move.

 

No, it wasn’t.

 

“I demand to talk to your manager! This is unacceptable!”

 

And he was so happy, _so relieved_ when he got this job just one week after quitting the academy.

 

He wants to beat his past self up and tell him to grow some brain cells. Maybe Five would help him with that?

 

“Sir, look…,” he says because he has to try, “... I’ll make you a new one, okay?”

 

“No! I don’t want anything from this shithole!”

 

And honestly, Diego thinks that’s fair, because the place is really a shithole, but _still_.

 

“But… Sir…”

 

“Where’s your manager?!”

 

Diego sighs.

 

Why to hell did he ever think this was a good idea?

 

The whole thing goes for another full 30 minutes until the manager kicks the customer out.

 

And then he curses at another asshole customer.

 

They must be either really kind or really desperate because he doesn’t get fired for it.

 

Diego groans.

 

After his shift ends, he packs his things and decides to pay a visit to his mom, considering he could really do with some of her cooking - it always managed to cheer him up.

 

* * *

 

He just doesn’t expect that he decides to visit, at the same time as Klaus and Ben decide to visit.

 

And Five - the little shit - is too young to live alone, so he’s of course there as well. Diego looks at them all sitting in the living room, staring back at him.

 

“God hates me,” he mutters under his breath.

 

But somehow Klaus hears him, because he replies just a second later, with a cheerful, “Same here! She also told me she didn’t like my face, which is quite a shame, don’t you agree?”

 

Well, isn’t that wonderful?

 

Before he can reply, Five does.

 

“There’s nothing to like about your face, I fear.”

 

_Five was always a little shit, a bit too arrogant._

 

“Now, now, Five. Your hurting your poor brother’s heart.”

 

_And Klaus was always dramatic, in everything he did, considering he loved the chaos that came with it._

 

Five also seemed to like chaos. Maybe that’s why both of them got along so well in the end?

 

“Can you blame me? I have to see your face every day in my chemistry class.”

 

Ah, and there it was - the painful reminder that Five, a 13-year-old child, was already in college, doing college math and all that complicated shit.

 

“Well, you really have to blame your actual chemistry teacher here. It’s not exactly my fault, he’s never around, is it? I’m just the friendly neighborhood professor, helping him - and by an extent you students - out.”

 

And here’s the second stunning fact.

 

Klaus is a professor.

 

A fucking college professor at the age of 26.

 

It’s not that he thinks Klaus’ is stupid - he did when they were children though and he greatly regrets it now - but Klaus does seem more of a… _creative_ person. Then again, Klaus is a history professor. And apparently a chemistry one as well, since the beginning of the year.

 

_Which by the way, wasn’t it weird that-_

 

“Why didn’t the old professor get fired anyway? How many times did you see him since the year started? Four times?” Ben asked, confusion evident on his face.

 

“I saw him twice. As for the firing thing, I’m actually not sure? Klaus?” Five replied, before looking at their brother, who was whispering with someone they all couldn’t see.

 

Upon hearing his name, Klaus looked at them with a smile.

 

“Honestly? It’s because the administration is too lazy to search for another one and no one else wants to take his classes as well. Also, I’m doing a pretty good at job at it, so they let it be,” he drawls, waving his hand.

 

And Diego can accept this until he sees that both Ben and Five are frowning. What was wrong now?

 

Luckily, for him, Five speaks up, “but… you are getting paid for taking his classes on, aren’t you?”

 

_Oh._

 

They all look at Klaus now, who’s still smiling.

 

“Nope.”

 

And then Ben jumps up, looking at him with distress.

 

“You never told me you weren’t getting paid!”

 

“It’s not that big of a deal, Benji. I still have the pay as a history professor. That’s a lot already at this college.”

 

“Still!”

 

“Now, now, that discussion can happen later… or never! In fact, let’s listen to dear Diego here. Didn’t you start a new job this week?”

 

“ _Later_ , Klaus. Yeah, tell us about that?”

 

And now Diego’s reminded of the shitty work day he had, and how he doesn’t really want to talk about it to his siblings with successful careers. Ben was a well-known author (under an alias though), Klaus a college professor and well, Five is going to finish college in a few years and then probably go on his way to be some prodigy in the science field.

 

Diego doesn’t know how to tell them, that he dropped out of the police academy out of spite, and then started to work as fast food worker (not that being a fast food worker isn't though work, it is).

 

“Oh, I would like to know as well.”

 

Mom just came in, carrying a plate full of cookies and he cannot say no to her. So, he tells them that he almost gutted a customer today.

 

“Maybe reconsider the police academy,” Five asks.

 

And well, Five has a good point. But the problem is, that it’s coming out of _Five’s_ mouth, so Diego absolutely doesn’t want to consider it (which is probably a bad habit, but he spent so many years having to hear him be a smart ass).

 

“No,” he says, then shakes his head, and grabs a cookie, “I’m going through with it, no matter what.”

 

Everyone looks at him - and God, of course, it’s Klaus who has to say it.

 

“Brother dearest, I don’t think… that’s a wise decision?”

 

“Shut it, when have _you_ ever made any wise decisions?”

 

And he wants to slap himself because he did it again. And to Klaus of all people! Klaus who _never ever_ would have gone that far.

 

Ben’s glaring at him, and he admits, he kind of deserves it.

 

"Sorry, that was uncalled for... I just really want to try this out."

 

"That's totally okay! I was just voicing my opinion, but if you feel like you love the job anyway, go for it! You got my support!"

 

And the way Klaus smiled at him, didn't make him feel any less guilty.

 

But well, he said he'd continue, so he might as well see how far he comes. 

 

"Mom, can I take some cookies home? Eudora really adores your baking."

 

"Of course, Diego."

 


	2. What is the spookiest kind of author? A ghostwriter.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into Ben's day. It's still a packaged deal with suffering and Klaus. Just a different suffering.

Ben likes silence.

 

He likes reading books and drinking tea, likes listening to gentle music and sit under the sun. He looks at pictures of aesthetics on Pinterest and probably has a secret writing blog on Tumblr. He's soft and quiet.

 

And no one understands why he gets along with Klaus out of all people. He's annoying and loud. Klaus loves chaos and all that colorful mess. Klaus knows a thousand people, but talks to the ones that aren't there. He changes topics like 12 times, and if he had a Tumblr it would be one of those messy, untagged ones.

 

It's exactly why Ben gets along with him.

 

Their father was horrible to them when he still lived, and their childhoods were spent with years of emotional and physical abuse. They all are glad Five has only spent three to four years with him.

 

But Ben had it bad as a kid. He was pretty much a monster, _a horror_ in his father's eyes. The only one who was probably lower than him in their father's eyes was Klaus. And still...

 

_It was Klaus who would always get in trouble because he would always defend Ben._

 

_It was Klaus who turned to drugs at 12 years._

 

_And it was Ben who helped him recover at 16 years._

 

It is so easy to get along with Klaus because Klaus understands how much he likes the silence. They share an apartment and sometimes it gets a bit loud but most of the time it's quiet because Klaus understands.

 

And that's why Ben indulges him in the loudness because he understands as well.

 

And it's so easy when you try to understand.

 

Most people still don't try.

 

* * *

 

The day starts as usual.

 

It's Thursday and Ben wakes up later than Klaus in contrast to popular belief.

 

Klaus is the early riser, but Ben knows it's more lack of sleep than early rising.

 

Ben makes waffles because Klaus gets into a fight with the toaster every time he tries (yet he continues to try because he'd like to make Ben's favorite breakfast one day).

 

They drink tea, eat their breakfast and then drive to their mom's house to get Five and then Ben drives them both to college because Klaus cannot drive.

 

He has a driver's license, but road kills make a lot of ghosts.

 

After dropping them off he drives back home, makes himself something to drink and starts writing.

 

Because being an author means meeting deadlines - only to shove them to the side and run away.

 

Ben suffers every time.

 

He tries to write, but the music feels wrong, so he spends two hours clicking through playlists, only to end up looping one song.

 

Then he's writing, but he kind of doesn't know if that's grammatically correct anymore, so he has to look it up. Then he spends 30 minutes questioning, how these rules are supposed to make sense.

 

He also needs to research how to properly kill someone with the help of needles. His history page is a dark secret of his. Ben resets it religiously every evening.

 

Also is there a synonym for dying? He needs at least ten. And screaming!

 

And then he writes three sentences, erases them and screams into a pillow.

 

People look at Klaus, then at him and go, "You must have your shit together!"

 

And he's offended, because no. He has never had his shit together.

 

Before he knows it, he's watching cat videos on YouTube and then some weird space stuff and there's something about aliens - and then the alarm rings.

 

He blinks, looks at the time and stands up because he has to get his brothers.

 

Time sure passes by fast.

 

Once he's there he has to wait a bit, but it doesn't take long before he hears Klaus call his name.

 

Ben looks up and smiles.

 

Klaus is walking towards him, dragging an annoyed Five behind him. Five is complaining about being dragged, figures.

 

And then Klaus drapes an arm over his shoulder and grins. "How are you doing today, dear brother of mine? Any progress on your manuscript?"

 

"A bit, still not much though."

 

"Don't worry, you'll catch up with time - you always do."

 

"Your writing is good," Five adds.

 

"And something you shouldn't have been reading, considering I mostly write horror," Ben replies, grinning.

 

They drive Five home and stay for dinner. It's nice and relaxing. Mom lets the music play quietly in the background and Pogo tells them about stories from his past. The ones that were good.

 

They bid their goodbyes and leave a few hours after dinner.

 

They arrive at their apartment and Klaus vanishes into his room with a loud, "I believe in you, Benito!"

 

Ben tries again.

 

And the words come easier this time, so he writes and writes. Stops editing every sentence right after it's written, and his playlist is on random. He marks down stuff he needs to look up for later and continues writing.

 

He worries a lot. He's got a lot to worry about.

 

_Are all his siblings healthy? Is Allison safe right now? Is Luther doing okay with his workload? Is Vanya still happy? Is Diego still doing well at his new job? Is Five getting bullied?_

 

He has a shitton to worry about Klaus.

 

_Is that idiot getting enough to sleep? Has he eaten enough? Is he finally getting paid for overworking? Is he ok?_

 

He has to worry about himself.

 

_Is he getting somewhere with the manuscript? Is he still healthy? Did he get enough sleep? Did he remember to buy groceries? He is forgetting something._

 

But.

 

He looks beside him, and on the table is a cup of tea that wasn't there before.

 

He's glad there's someone that worries about him as well.

 

He drinks a bit and feels a lot calmer.

 

The words come without problems, he sees the story play before him, as he writes it down and then he's done his work for the day. He walks into the living room and there's Klaus, a book in his hands.

 

He had never patience for reading, but that didn't stop him from reading every one of Ben's books that got published.

 

Ben sits down beside him, grinning.

 

“I still can’t get over seeing you read.”

 

“Well, then you should stop being such an amazing writer.”

 

The grin turns into a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sorry for the bad pun titles. I'am not SORRY.
> 
> If anyone feels like talking, here's my wonderful Tumblr bc Twt's a bitch [☆ Tumblr ☆ ](https://vvintercaramel.tumblr.com/)


	3. I went to a seance this weekend. - I don't know what possessed me to go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five knows that Klaus is smart.
> 
> He just doesn't understand, why Klaus would hid it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for this, oh my god.

There’s that one haunted office in the main building on the campus.

 

Because life is a big joke, it belongs to the one history teacher that is slightly insane and can see ghosts - at least according to his students. The ones that don’t have classes by him aren’t completely sure what exactly is going on, and if they all haven’t just lost their minds.

Except for Five who, of course, knows better.

 

Because that infamous history teacher is his big brother (even if his mental age is probably four). So, he knows, that the students aren’t lying.

 

He knows it, even more, when his brother starts teaching his chemistry class, because their actual chemistry teacher, hasn’t been sighted on the campus for at least two weeks. People are wondering where he is, and when he’s coming back, but Five is sure he won’t be back.

 

Instead of firing the old chemistry teacher and getting a new one, the college’s administration has once again decided to make the great decision to let his brother continue to teach the classes since it’s working. Translated this means: they are simply too lazy to search for a new one and want to avoid doing the paperwork.

 

Their tardiness is irritating, but Five can accept it, because Klaus does, in fact, know what he talks about in Chemistry. The classes have been really entertaining so far and have, surprisingly, actually taught him a few things (he knew the most, but still).

 

Five’s not stupid. He’s never thought Klaus to be stupid. He cannot even understand how some of his siblings came to that damn conclusion, before he remembers, that they probably played right into Klaus’ hands with their assumptions.

 

Klaus spent four years doing drugs, and it has affected him, taken parts of him, that he will never get back, but not everything’s gone, especially not his smarts. In fact, gaining street smarts to it all.

 

Klaus has always been rather smart (proof where the test scores Five once found in Klaus’ old room at their mother’s apartment). It shows in the way he talks, especially after he got sober. A lot of times he blurts out random words and sentences, confusing everyone, and Five used to get irritated, until he noticed, how sometimes, Klaus slipped in a few remarks, that were actually very profound.

 

Most things Klaus says are hidden in ridiculous riddles and are often dismissed because of that. But then one day, out of boredom, Five wrote those things down and solved them.

 

What he found was hidden tips and answers to questions they had at the time.

 

Five didn’t get why Klaus wouldn't have told them just outright when they needed the answers, but one day, Ben pointed something out, after a confrontation with Luther.

 

_“He still thinks that Klaus can’t be serious…,” Ben mumbled, disappointed at their oldest brother._

 

Most people don’t take Klaus serious. A few changed their minds after he became a teacher, but not everyone.

 

And it kind of hits him then.

 

No one has ever taken Klaus serious, so Klaus doesn’t bother taking them seriously, but he leaves stuff behind anyway.

 

After that Five started to pay more attention to Klaus, and it has opened his eyes, to a lot of things.

 

The way Klaus would rarely speak up - except to crack a joke - but instead, just stare at them (or empty spaces in the room).

 

The timings of the jokes are always on point with when there’s an ugly argument or fight coming up - except it involves Luther and Diego, with which he hasn’t bothered since years, apparently.

 

Klaus also always seems to know where everything is. Even missing items seem to be easily found by him. There was once Vanya misplaced one of her books, searched for the whole day, only for to Klaus walk in and tell her it’s under the couch - and he was right. When Five vanishes, Klaus is always the one to find him, grinning brightly at him. He actually asked him one day, why he always finds him, and Klaus just shrugged before he said, _“It’s just the way you are.”_

 

At first, he found the answer disappointing, then he realized what Klaus meant is, that he could find him just based on his behavior and personality alone.

 

It wasn’t that disappointing anymore.

 

Klaus is also able to pick up a lot of things easily.

 

Languages for example. At first Five thought, that he only picked a few random words up from some ghosts, but then he heard him talk for one minute just in German because he was helping a tourist find their way around.

 

He’s really good at board games too - when he’s patient enough.

 

All the time, Klaus would just wander off, muttering about how boring the games are.

 

Then there was one time Five got into a car accident. It wasn’t too bad luckily: he just couldn’t walk for a few months. Klaus, who visited him a lot of times, brought a board game with him once and played with him.

 

No going away, no calling it boring, he actually participated in the game - and he did well.

 

Though he stopped playing once Five recovered.

 

What surprises him the most about Klaus are mainly two things - the way he understands stuff and the way he calmly processes it.

 

Whenever Five talked about something complicated, Klaus would ask stupid questions, which always would annoy Five. Then one time, he walked past Vanya’s room and saw Klaus in there with here.

 

They were talking about a difficult topic he mentioned in the kitchen before, and what Klaus did, was basically dumbing it down for her. He confronted Klaus about it later the day, and the medium just rolled his eyes, before grinning at him. _“Turns out I have a brain,”_ he said at that time.

 

After that, whenever Five talked about something, Klaus would continue to make remarks - but none were that stupid anymore.

 

It’s as if Five caught him at a game - and after a bit more observation, Five realized, that he did.

 

People would assume and call Klaus stupid, dismiss him or not understand what he says, and Five realized, that’s what Klaus wanted because he’s the one who confused them, in hopes they would understate him.  

 

And suddenly it was really easy, how calm Klaus reacted to most situations.

 

There was once Diego accidentally stabbed someone with a knife he threw, but Klaus just got the medical kit, made sure the wound was closed and asked Ben to call the ambulance. All that whilst the rest still were staring at the wounded person with shock and fear. After that, he comforted Diego about it as well.

 

Another time they were in that park and there was this lost kid. Klaus approached him, asked him how his parents looked like and told the ghosts in the area to search for the parents. In the meantime, he told the kid silly stories and bought him ice cream to cheer him up. A ghost eventually found the parents, so Klaus made sure the kid returned safely to them.  

 

And there was that one stalker.

 

That one fucking dude, who legit had the guts to stalk Vanya.

 

It’s not that Vanya couldn’t defend herself, but honestly, a lot of people would have been scared in her situation and stressed as well. Still, she didn’t tell them at first, but Five sensed something was wrong, told the others and two days later Klaus came to get Diego - Five and Ben tagged along - to get rid of Vanya’s stalker.

 

Yes, Klaus is jittery, he never quite looks anyone in the eyes, which wander to every corner in the room he is in, and he talks a lot - sometimes loudly, sometimes quietly - but his reactions to most situations, even the disturbing ones, are usually calm. He only used to panic when it involved his drugs, but now he’s sober, and whilst he still sometimes longs for them, he keeps himself in check with the help of Ben and Diego.

 

And he is so damn understanding, to the point, _Five doesn’t understand how._

 

Heck, there was one time Five and Klaus were on their way to get some donuts, only for some former friend to approach Klaus and tell him that they honestly hated him.

 

Klaus nodded, before saying, “I can see why.”

 

Well, this was sadder than anything, and Five may have actually used some his pocket money to buy him two donuts.

 

But other times, whenever one of their siblings was sad or mad or whatever, it was Klaus who patted their shoulder or ruffled their hair, before side-hugging them and nodding along to their words, letting them get it all out. Then he whispers words to them, and they’d get this look on their face of relief and tiredness.

 

And yet, Five still doesn’t know why exactly Klaus hides the fact that he’s smart.

 

Klaus loves attention, but clearly, he rejects the attention pertaining to his smarts.

 

Why?

 

He doesn’t know but today he will find out. So, he makes his way to the classroom Klaus teaches history in.

 

* * *

 

And he regrets opening the door because of course, his brother is holding a seance in there.

 

The students stare at him, knowing to well who he is because he’s 13 and he looks like it. His brother is smiling at him before he holds a finger in front of his lips.

 

“Don’t tell Ben.”

 

“What’s in for me?” he responds.

 

“Griddy’s donuts.”

 

And yes, he can do with that, so he steps in, closes the door and sits down beside his brother because he wants to know who will be summoned.

 

And because Klaus has always loved to mess things up, change them, it’s not a person important in the history field. Then again, maybe it is. Five’s not sure anymore.

 

Five blinks.

 

In the middle of the candles stands Robert Norman Ross.

 

“Is that Bob Ross?“ a student mutters.

 

Someone has started crying, and someone else comforted them.

 

Five turned to look at his brother.

 

Klaus smiled, “His show really made me happy as a little kid.”

 

Five blinks, nods and then accepts this as reality because the man before them does look gentle.

 

The lesson is spent learning about painting and encouragement, and Five does end up liking it a lot.

 

* * *

 

It’s only after the lesson ends and weeks pass, that Five remembers.

 

He still has to ask Klaus about hiding his smarts.

 

And then he finds out that Klaus isn’t even getting paid for taking over chemistry classes.

 

Oh, he totally can’t let that go on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone in the bookmarks mentioned Klaus summoning someone for his class and to be honest, yes - if you have any requests feel free to voice them!
> 
> May the stars shine bright for you this night!
> 
> -
> 
> Next chap: Local 13 year old kid threatening college administration to pay his overworked medium brother.

**Author's Note:**

> This will get updated whenever, to be honest. It's just for funs.
> 
> The story's title is based on the song by Mika, yes.


End file.
